Unheard Voices

I am going to see him tonight. I moved through the weekend in anticipation of tonight. I dream about the way he touches me..his seductive words about how he wants to pleasure me. I havent gone to there yet...but it is only a matter of time.

And then there are voices in my head. That tell me it is wrong. Stopping me from going to the next level. The voices are cold and cruel because they speak the truth. Every where i turn people talk about morals. I open the papers to read about vice. People tell me that the world is going to come to an end. People are sinning everywhere and I am one of them. I sometimes think they are signs for me to do the right thing. The proper thing. Break it off. This is a test from God and I am failing badly.

And yet I dont stop it. I encourage him. This sinful pleasure that he gives me is difficult to let go. I want to do more. But no. Not yet. I try to hold on to my sanity. I try to avoid sinning by refusing to see him. But the pull is too strong. I dare not discuss this with friends. Their disgust will kill me. I carry my burden alone. Because with every pleasure there is pain.