The Journey

I started this blog to unburden myself from the recent events that have been agonizing me. However when I started I realized that it is difficult to simply enter the events in my life without a background. This is the story of my life, not a diary to record my daily events. I want to relieve my pain, insecurties and my shame. My shameful story of my life or rather what i have turned a lovely story into.

I write this blog with caution. Lest someone i know put two and two together. I dont want my family to be burdened by my secrets. These are for me to carry to my grave, if I can help it. But i am afraid I may be found out. And they cannot bear it. These stories will remain what they are...an annonymous writer telling her story.

My journey as compared to a million other women in this world was less painful. I didnt have an abusive father or an uncaring mother. I had a close knit family who held together despite our differances. My father, despite his narrow minded ideas allowed me a decent education (I point out father because mothers rarely have a say in the family). Though he controls us in many ways, he was also open minded enough to allow me to stay away from home to complete my college education.

My father is a typical Asian father. He tells us what to study, how to talk, how to behave. I am grateful to my father and mother for providing me this sheltered life. They sacrificed their life to get us here. They could have spent my college fees on that tour my father has always wanted to go to. Or they could have married me off young and i would'nt have said a word in protest. They knew i coudnt and yet they didnt. He had dreams. Dreams to see his children educated and living a life of independece.

He had a poor upbringing. An indfifferant father and a submissive mother. Though his parents loved him, as typical asian parents those days, this love was not displayed. The father was harsh and selfish in many ways. What my father is today is purely through his efforts. Every single cent that he owes now is his. He studied while working because he didnt have anyone to support him. I am grateful to God that he did not become wayward.

I have often wondered on the what ifs? What if my father was a drug addict? or my mother uncaring and selfish? What if they had abandoned me at birth? I am glad they are what they are and I am here because of them. I am sad that due to the nature of this blog, I cannot share this gratefulness with them. I love them and I dont want to hurt them. And yet this doenst stop me from sinning.